i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You pole danced in your parka.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
