The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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