So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
