Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
