I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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