Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
