We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
