what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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