I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
