Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the condom got lost in my hair
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
my poor anus
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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