I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
