4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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