i don't like sucking hair
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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