WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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