I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
