Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
...so i touched it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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