i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
