we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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