Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
