Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm passing your future prison.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
