he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
