how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
