She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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