i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
