the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
