Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
