1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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