omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
