never play flip cup with pint glasses
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
