real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
