Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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