hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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