So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
