can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Buhtt sex?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize