They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
