Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
