was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
now i know why i became what i already was.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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