He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
