im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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