Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
