i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
