just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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