dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
