Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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