I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
