sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
