My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
