I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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