you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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