U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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