I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize