"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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