I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
