"it" just moved
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
