I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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