thus making me awesome and them whores
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
