I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
