I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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