And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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