these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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