like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
