i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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