I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
