he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
