So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
