I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
