Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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