and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
