I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
