My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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