I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
